Can I do this again???

Well, I am one week into the deployment...I have been at home, alone with the girls since Tuesday...I am still sane, I still have all of my hair (although, I may have a few new greys) and I don't feel incredibly worn out. Overall, I think we are managing pretty well.

It's certainly not been as bad as I had anticipated. After all, this time I am not pregnant, on bed rest, and taking care of a toddler. I started out a step ahead. I also have the fact that Eric is not overseas on my side, knowing his life is not in immediate danger is a huge relief. Yeah, overall I would say that this time definitely has the makings to be a much better deployment than before.

Here's the thing, though...he is still gone. I am still alone, raising the girls on my own. I am still (once again) a single parent, juggling all the responsibilities that come with having a family. And yes, it still really, REALLY sucks. Times like this I really hate living so far from our family. It would be so nice to have someone around to take the kids for an afternoon or over night. I know I could ask a friend, but I won't...I probably wouldn't ask family if they were here:). I am not trying to sound negative (I don't really feel all that negative), it's just an all around crappy situation and I wish that we did not have to do it.

I know I can do it, I know we will make it, I know that everything will turn out fine in the end. I know that God will not place me in a situation unless He knows I can handle it...so, I know I can handle it. But do I want to handle it? No...absolutely not.

I am always amazed at how single parents do it. No one really knows how hard it is until they have been there. I can't even classify myself in that category, because, I have an end in sight...some single moms and dads don't. I will give you an idea of how there are so many things taken for granted...

It's 8 a.m., the kids are up and ready to go...I am so tired, because I stayed up too late watching Nick at Nite, (after all, after the kids are in bed is the only "me" time I get). I stumble to the kitchen to start my coffee. Kati is tugging at the fridge door whining about apple juice, Abbi is on my heals complaining that "she is so hungry and she thinks that she will die if she doesn't get Fruit Loops RIGHT NOW". I stop my process to open the door for Kati and pull out the a.j. jug...less than a half glass left...great, this will cause a fight. I go to grab the milk to make Abbi's cereal and remember we finished it off at dinner last night. CRAP!! Normally, I could throw on a pair of running shorts and a sweat shirt, pull my hair in a pony tail and run out the the store to grab the few items I need and be back in less than 15 minutes...but I can't leave the kids at home alone. So, I take Kati screaming and crying, because she doesn't want to miss Sesame Street, into the bedroom and throw a dress on her, meanwhile, Abbi is having a breakdown because "her stomach thinks her throat has been cut" (remember, Abbi is my drama queen). I get Kati's hair brushed and send her looking for her shoes. I grab Abbi an outfit from her closet and help her get changed from her PJ's. I throw her hair in a clip and send her off to find her shoes while I get dressed. I'm done in 2 minutes, but both have to potty. Once potty break is over, we head to the car, only to notice that neither of them have shoes on. Back to the house, and take 15 minutes to find a matching pair of shoes for both of them (which I found in the playroom...not where they are supposed to go). Back outside and off to the car. Everyone gets buckled in their seat belts (after a fight of who gets in the car first) and we are finally off to the store. While there I have to redirect them from the doughnuts, candy, chips and ice cream, break up three or four fights over who gets to stand on the end of the cart, or who gets to help mommy push or whatever they feel like arguing about for the minute. We FINALLY get what we need and get out of there. On the way to the car, another argument breaks out. I end up having to raise my voice (which I am SERIOUSLY trying to not do) and inform them that there will be no more arguing or no one will have apple juice or cereal when we get home...all is silent. After buckling everyone in and loading the groceries, we head back home. We pull into the drive, get our bags, head to the door (it is now 10 a.m..). I fix apple juice, fix cereal, make my coffee and set down to look at the paper and drink my energy...just in time for Kati to spill her juice and Abbi to need seconds:).

I can laugh at this now, but this REALLY is one of my mornings. And let me tell you, I was NOT laughing at the time:)!
Yes, I know I am blessed beyond measure. I know my life is sweet and my home is full of love and laughter, I know that I could not ask for more...and I won't. I thank God for the life that He has given me every day. I know this much, though, I will appreciate my husband that much more when he gets home to help!